Those Feelings
by zivaisthetype
Summary: She's always had something permanent.  It just took a heartbreak, betrayl, and two simple words for her to finally realize it.


**Based after 9x13 Possible spoilers. NCIS is not mine.**

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><p>That's why she fell in love with him.<p>

She had grown to trust him, grown to value him, grown to live with him. And when she says 'live' with him, she means it in a way that she _wants _to be living with him. She wants to have that life that every other woman her age already has. The one with the medium sized house, and the white fence, with the two kids and a puppy, and a husband. Ziva David _wants _that.

And when he walked into her life that beautiful, sunny day on the gorgeous beaches of Miami, she knew she had found it. The way they talked, the way they laughed, and the way they ended up writing their phone numbers down so they would be able to talk again. And it meant so much more to her when he followed her back to D.C. just to see her again.

That feeling, the feeling of being wanted, made Ziva swell up with happiness. It made her feel like it was finally happening that her dreams were finally coming true. That even she could get married and have kids, even though her and Ray's relationship was far from being _that_ being committed.

At least it was to him. The job always seemed to pull him away from her to easily. He always seemed fine to go, that he was okay with leaving her for weeks or even a few months at a time. There was always that feeling in, deep down inside of her. That feeling that if she wanted that dream to be with Ray, she would always be second to his job. That feeling that he didn't mind leaving her behind. That feeling that he didn't really love as much as he always said he did. Luckily, Ziva was strong enough to ignore those feelings. She was big enough to push them out of her mind and focus on better feelings; ones having to do with a house, a marriage, and a few kids.

But not even Ziva David could ignore those feelings now. She couldn't ignore what was right in front of her. She couldn't turn away from what she was seeing right on Abby's computer screen. And then it hit her. She couldn't push those feelings out of her mind anymore, because in the end, she only ended up hurting herself.

As she climbed into the car and Gibbs drove off, she knew she had screwed up. She knew she had given him too many chances. She knew that she had let him walk all over her, let him use her, and then let him break her heart. She knew she shouldn't have ignored those feelings, those feelings that maybe Ray wasn't _the one_, or the feeling that she would always be his second choice. Ziva knew she shouldn't have ignored those feelings, because in the end, those feelings proved themselves.

All those feelings that about him, all those _nice_ feelings about him, had disappeared. The ones of trust, and love, and especially the one that Ray could've actually been permanent. That he could've been the one she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. Those feelings were gone, now replaced by the ones of hurt, betrayal, and hate.

And for the first time in the past few months, Ziva felt good. She felt good when her hand collided with the side of Ray's face. She felt good when he told her the truth that he had straight up lied to her and she had caught him. It felt good to turn her back on him, and never look back. It felt good to know that a punch to face was the last memory Ray would have of her. Ziva had never fallen in love with him.

She fell in love with the idea of him.

And when Ziva got home that night, there was her partner waiting for her. Waiting to comfort her and waiting to catch her when she fell. Tonight, he knew she had fallen hard.

He reached out to her and without a second thought, Ziva was right there in his arms, sobbing. And all he had to do was rub her back in gentle circles for a few minutes to calm her down and get them both into her apartment. All he had to do was sit her down on the couch and say two words to her.

"What happened?"

Only with him would she ever start from the beginning and explain everything that he had done to her, put her through, and never leave out even the tiniest of detail. Only with Tony would Ziva ever speak the truth. And when she was finished talking, and finished crying, and finished whin Ray, only then did Tony reach out and hug her with all he had.

And only then did Ziva realize that Tony had always been there. That he had never left her. That only he could, _would _be there when she needed it the most. He was there for her in the office, in the filed, at her apartment; he was _always_ here. That's when Ziva realized that she already had something permanent.

It didn't involve a house, or kids, or animals, or even a husband. Her 'something permanent' was her partner, her best friend. The one person in the world that would do anything for her. The one person in the world that made time to be with her. The one person that deep down inside she felt those feelings that she never felt for anyone before.

Ziva already trusted him. She already valued him. She already lived with him. Ziva knew she already cared for him. Everything she felt with Ray, she felt towards Tony. Only she felt _wanted _with Tony. He was nothing like Ray, he was something so much more.

Tony wasn't just an idea. Tony didn't lie to her. He never left her. Never hurt her. Never made empty promises to her. Tony cared about her. Tony valued her. He trusted her and he lived with her. Ziva wasn't doing all the work, Tony played his part.

This feeling she had with her partner was a feeling that was so strong, a feeling that no person would ever be able to replace.

Even Ziva David couldn't ignore those feelings.

And that's when she fell in love with him.

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><p><strong>Please Review and tell me what you think. Sorry for so many re-uplaods.<strong>

**To everyone following my story 'I'll Tell You Their Story' I'm really trying hard to get to it, just lack of inspiration and time is taking me over. My apologies! The next chapter is half-way written so do not fear! It should be posted soon(:**

**As always, thanks for reading**

**-Sam**


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